Spanky's Place

It is 10:45 PM right now. It is 92 degrees outside. The high today was 107, and the average is 104. Tomorrow should cool down to 106. What the hell am I doing here?

Phoenix, named aptly, is built on the remains of an ancient civilization. They were called the Hohokam. (NOT "Hohokam Indians" -when you use that term, folk out here smile knowingly to one another, as you've just demonstrated that you are a moron.) Anyway, the Hohokam had a very advanced culture, and occupied pretty much all of what is today known as south-central Arizona. They developed an incredibly elaborate canal network, and became the most successful irrigation farmers in the Southwest. Much of the modern Phoenix canal system is in fact, based on the remains of their canals. Their civilization began roughly around 200 B.C., and they thrived for over a thousand years.

Somewere around 1400 - 1450 B.C., the Hohokam vanished. Zippo. Gone. Nothing. Dissapeared without a trace.     Leather - patch - on - the - elbows - of - their - herringbone - jacket historian types, whilst smoking pipes and sipping brandy, often muse eloquently about the "mystery of the Hohokam", pondering the question of why they left, and where they went.

I'll tell you why they left. They got sick and tired of people dying from the freakin' heat. I'll even tell you where they went: anyplace that isn't this flippin' hot. My guess is they headed to Portland. But that's not really my point either.

In case you're curious, the family vacation was really nice. I got to hang out with some people I have really, really missed. We sang songs, we drank too much, we laughed ourselves silly. My dad took his brand new son-in-law (my sister just got married last month) out in the forest to play and broke him. (Long story, I'll fill it in at a later date). We all had ourselves a wonderful time. However, even this isn't my point.

My point is, if there really is a point to this post, that I'm really getting a little bit weary of this oppressive, awful heat. Oh, and don't you dare give me any of that "But it's a dry heat" crap. I swear, the next person who says that to me is going to get punched right in the mouth. Granted, the humidity right now is only 41%, but how many of you have burned (complete with blisters) your hand just opening a car door? I have. I saw a bird fall dead out of the sky the other day. He was flying along and then BOOM! he burst into flames and dove into the ground. All I could think of was how much it reminded me of Black Sheep Squadron.

This heat is really getting to me, I'm beginning to think that if it doesn't end soon, I may just have to follow the Hohokam. (Hint to Tom & Bruce).